UnInstructions

UPDATE 4/11/23: This project is no longer live, due to the gradual disintegration of Twitter as a functional platform. The tweet content is archived further down this page.

To the best of my knowledge, the original tweets are still available on Twitter itself, but the plugin can no longer embed them here (as seen below).

Twitter feed is not available at the moment.

FOR THIS OPERATION*

Has there ever been a feeling more infuriating than having comprehension on the tip of your tongue, but finding yourself forever unable to swallow?

Language is complex and difficult to comprehend, even if you are a native speaker of that language. This project was created by using a free translator to ‘encrypt’ instructions, which were written originally in English, then translated several times until they had only the barest amount of relation to their original meaning.

Some of the instructions are confusing already in their vagueness (for instance, one was a general guideline to get to the mailroom of a particular apartment building, but included no floors or distances), and they quickly become moreso as they are ‘translated’ to become intentionally worse.

If you are curious about the original text behind the nonsense ‘encryption,’ it can be found in the tweet thread on Twitter here; you can also jump directly there by clicking on the text of any tweet below.

* About this project.

I listen to music mostly but YouTube is my main source of new music. You think there are advertisements. (Depending on the content) Those that appear before, during, and during an unexpected angst-filled song.
- ORIGINAL:
  I often enjoy listening to music, but my primary method of finding new music to listen to is Youtube. As one can imagine, the bombardment of advertisements before, between, and even during songs fills me (on occasion) with unspeakable rage.

The first step in voting is to purchase ballot papers. This is followed by an analysis of the candidate’s research. You have to vote, you have to fill the nomination form. Finally, close the envelope and go back in time!
- ORIGINAL:
  The first step to vote is to get the ballot. Then comes researching the candidates. Choices must be made, and the ballot must be filled out. Finally, seal the envelope and post it – on time!

Step 1: Take both sides of the package and tear them open.
Step 2: Select a cake from the table.
Step 3: Divide Both Sides of the Cake.
Step Four: Measure Your Joy
Step Five: This concerns the person sitting in front of you.
- ORIGINAL:
  Step one: Grip both sides of the packet and pull apart.
  Step two: Pick the cookie off of the table.
  Step three: Pull the two sides of the cookie apart.
  Step four: Read fortune.
  Step five: It fits the person sitting across from you better, actually.

Audio does not work correctly when you connect to a new device. A problem must be solved; There is no need to scream at the computer. There is no joy in crying.
- ORIGINAL:
  The audio input often doesn’t work when connecting to new devices. Troubleshooting is required; yelling at the computer is optional. Crying is not preferred.

Step 1: Register using Twitter
Step 2: Make every assumption
Step 3: Next (?).
Step 4: Time to sleep!
Step 5: The forest, only the sun.
- ORIGINAL:
  Step 1: Log in to Twitter.
  Step 2: No ideas.
  Step 3: Scroll forever (?)
  Step 4: Time for bed!
  Step 5: Unfortunately it is only noon.

It’s important to arrive on time. Make it more real, instantly. This is the only way to prevent noise in the back of the elevator. Within ten minutes, I was in an elevator with two people, not seven. It’s more fun.
- ORIGINAL:
  It is important to leave for class on time. Or, rather, early. This is the only way to miss the rush for the elevators. By getting there just ten minutes ahead, I ride an elevator with two others rather than seven others. It’s much nicer.

Step 1: Make sure your PC is on and in update mode.
Step 2: Switch off mobile phones.
Step 3: Do something in class.
Step 4: Painting Instructions.
Step 5: Exit the classroom.
- ORIGINAL:
  Step 1: Make sure the computer is charged and not busy updating.
  Step 2: Plug in headphones.
  Step 3: Sign in to class.
  Step 4: Draw during class to stay present.
  Step 5: Leave class.

The more you know how to make a woven fabric, the harder it is. Especially when many things seem rich and opportunistic. And because he doesn’t have a real “strategy”.
- ORIGINAL:
  The more I learn about sewing knit fabrics, the more and less difficult it seems. More, because a lot seems up to materials and chance. And less, because there seems to be no real “trick” to it.

1. Differentiate the distances A, B, and C from the grid.
2. Repeat the procedure.
3. Not currently
4. I have lost my mind
5. Be prepared for anybody.
- ORIGINAL:
  1. Unparent your music A, B, and C from your grid.
  2. Try again.
  3. Still no.
  4. Run out of ideas.
  5. Unity is out to get us all.

Starting a family business is the most difficult thing to do. Achieving a work-life balance can be challenging. Especially if you want to spend the rest of your life doing these things. Drink water and set your alarm higher and higher!
- ORIGINAL:
  The hardest part of doing homework is starting, and then the next hardest part is doing it. It can be hard to have a work-life balance, especially if you vacillate between all life and all work. Be sure to stay hydrated, and set alarms for important deadlines!

Step 1: Start Your Own Business
Second step: Get a job
Step 3: Quit your job
Step 4: Has he resigned?
Step 5: Where do the people go?
- ORIGINAL:
  Step 1: Go to work.
  Step 2: Work.
  Step 3: Get off work.
  Step 4: Get…off…work?
  Step 5: Where is the person on the next shift?

Tips for Using Ice Cream: Ice Cream (whether you buy it or not), Ice Cream Maker, Ice Cream Cone (ice cream cone).
- ORIGINAL:
  The steps to eating ice cream proceed as such: get ice cream (buying or other means), dish up ice cream, eat ice cream, wish you ate less ice cream.

Step One: Essay writing.
Step two: Start surfing.
Step 3: Copy the text.
Step 4: Cooking the brownie.
Step 5: Get back on topic.
- ORIGINAL:
  First step: write essay.
  Second step: begin to wander off.
  Third step: return to writing essay.
  Fourth step: somehow a batch of brownies has been made.
  Fifth step: back to the essay.

A laundry bag with a towel and outer clothing inside. Then hide it in a basement full of soap. Wait an hour and a half, then take it out and put it back on.
- ORIGINAL:
  Bag dirty clothes along with towel and jackets. Then stuff them in a thing in the basement with soap. Wait one and a half hours, then retrieve them and bring them back up to hang.

Step 1: Wear a Costume that protects.
Step 2: Go outside and walk.
Step 3: Use a pulley to open the lid.
Step 4: Search for Long Term Bee Camps.
Step 5: Shoot the cover and run away.
- ORIGINAL:
  Step 1: Put on protective suit.
  Step 2: Walk outside and circle around.
  Step 3: Use hook tool to pry open lid.
  Step 4: Search combs for extra-long bee.
  Step 5: Close the lid and run away.

Take a picture of the night sky, add a crying wolf image above it, erase the background and eyes, and add two PNG images with blue eyes. Fix the worm with your eyes and explain everything. Bring it back BAM! Live profile image.
- ORIGINAL:
  Take an image of the night sky, put an image of a moody wolf over it, remove background and eyes, and put in two blue-eye PNGs. Group wolf with eyes, and make the whole thing transparent. Cut out the background again, and bam! Instant profile image.

Step 1: Check if the crack is closed.
Step 2: Close the lid.
Step 3: Proceed to open the window.
Step 4: Get out of the house, walk around the house, and wash your hands when you get home.
- ORIGINAL:
  Step 1: Check if stall is locked from the outside.
  Step 2: Close lid.
  Step 3: Climb up and unlatch window.
  Step 4: Climb out, circle around building, walk back inside, and wash hands.

First, throw the old water into the kettle.
Second: Fill kettle with filtered water from the fridge.
Step 3: Place the teapot on the base. Press the button to boil water.
Fourth: Shall I put on the water bowl…?
Fifth and final step: Immerse in a glass of hot water. Bite slowly.
- ORIGINAL:
  First: dump out old water from kettle.
  Second: fill the kettle with filtered water from the fridge.
  Third: set the kettle on base and press switch to boil water.
  Fourth: hopefully there is a teapot to put it in…?
  Fifth & final step: steep in a thermos. Drink slowly.

A “trick of life” I’ve come across is to stick to window frames. It is a simple and easy care way to wake up and open your eyes every morning.
- ORIGINAL:
  The one real, honest ‘life hack’ I can say I’ve come up with myself is to always live with a windowsill plant. It’s a low-stakes, low-maintenance way to make sure you get up and open the blinds every morning.

Step 1: Out of bed
Step 1.5: Yes no, walk away.
Step 2: Turn off the light and get dressed.
Phase 3: Breakfast
Step 4: Run to catch the bus before it departs.
Step 5: … is murdered.
- ORIGINAL:
  Step 1: Get out of bed.
  Step 1.5: No, really, get up.
  Step 2: Turn off alarm and get dressed.
  Step 3: Eat breakfast.
  Step 4: Run to catch the bus before it leaves.
  Step 5: …it left.

It’s nice to be in one place for a long period of time with elevators and seals. Don’t forget to always enter through the scroll door on the right. No, it is power in itself.
- ORIGINAL:
  It’s funny to see so many elevators and revolving doors after living somewhere with neither for so long. It’s important to remember to always go through the revolving door to the right. No, the other right.

1. Unlock the door.
2. Move to the right.
3. Turn right to the kitchen.
4. The fridge doesn’t work, so check the heater.
- ORIGINAL:
  1. Open the door.
  2. Take a left.
  3. Turn right into the kitchen.
  4. The fridge does not work, so check the cooler.

To get the letter, I had to go down the black, down the hall, open two doors, out one black door and down another slide. Yes, it’s still beautiful
- ORIGINAL:
  To pick up the mail, I need to go down one elevator, turn down a hallway, unlock two doors, go down using a different elevator, and go through one more sliding door.

1. Wait for the light to come on.
2. Some people take a bath wearing red clothes… why most of the time?
3. Hey, there you are. Finally, we met halfway.
4. Wait for the light to turn on.
- ORIGINAL:
  1. Wait for the light to change.
  2. Other people are crossing on red…maybe it’s alright?
  3. Oh. We’re stranded in the middle of the street.
  4. Wait for the light to change.

On the contrary, you are always trying to reach your destination. Allow an extra 10 minutes for elevator or stair access.
- ORIGINAL:
  The trouble with being on an upper building floor is that you always need to be a little extra early in order to make it to your destination on time. Build in around 10 minutes extra for the elevator – or stairs.

1. Walk two or three paces (or more?) on the bridge. Tie the hair because of the wind effect.
2. Walk around the corner of the park, opposite the public.
3. Hit the road there (or not at all).
4. Don’t plan to lose it.
- ORIGINAL:
  1. Walk two or three (or more?) blocks down past the bridge. Tie hair back because of wind tunnel effect.
  2. Pass around the corner of the park, dodging people.
  3. Cross the street there (or there, or there).
  4. Hopefully don’t be lost.

Driving is sometimes difficult, so I often use Google Maps to get to school. He tried to wake me up in court several times, but the court had to be closed.
- ORIGINAL:
  I sometimes have trouble navigating, so I often use Google Maps to get to school. It tries to route me through the park quite often, but the park is usually closed for events.

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